I wanted to believe I wasn't different at all.
I just love Jesus.
I believed I would fit in with all of the other Jesus lovers, and finally people would understand me.
This is not the case, I am a black sheep that lives a life of self righteous pride, because I am different. Weird. Misunderstood, mature, wise. Joan of Arc was different. She was a warrior she fought for her cause.

Dear forgiven.

Let me tell you about the words you used to say, about your name making my heart stop. About your glance making me feel like the most important person in the world. About the times you shook my hand and pretended to be diplomatic. Those were the days I was in love, I read your books and I answered your questions and all the while I couldn't breathe when you were around.

I tried so hard to make you love me. You were the only thing I talked about; you were the only thing I cared about. I wanted you with me every second of the day, I wanted your love and security, and wanted your white teeth smiling at me. You would hold my hand and everything was right, I was safe secure, nothing could hurt me. Your drove me in your car and we would smoke hookah in the back, I can still smell it. The taste of watermelon is still on my tongue from when you told me to inhale. It all felt right. You were my security blanket.

Then one day I received the news, it was all a lie, you liked the power. You enjoyed holding my heart in your hands, the bruises on my body were all for a lie. You enjoyed holding my beating heart in your hands, and you knew how often it stopped. That day you ripped off a chunk of and threw the rest on the ground, then left, because you had someone else's heart in the palm of your hand.

"Be good to her" I said. And then I cried, for all the times you kissed my cheek, and all the memories.

Then there was Jesus, he picked up my heart, wiped off all the dirt, and held it in the palm of his hands. He looked at me with all of the love I ever dreamt about and said

"Little one, may I be your security blanket?"

So I wrapped my new blanket around me, and I was safe.

Then He put Neosporin on all of the scars, and finally the pain went away. I could feel my heart beat again, and that’s when I learned how to forgive.

I forgive you.

Love,

Little One.